The weirdness of design

Do you have a favorite animal? Or a favorite species? Maybe you lean towards fantasy. Do you have a favorite made up creature?

If you do have a favorite something (real or fake), what makes it your favorite? Is it the way it looks? Or what it can do? How it lives? Or is it just because of the name humans gave it?

I personally have always been a fan of the jaguar. The black panther or albino onca augusta. A silent predator that is somewhere in between the lean streamline of the cheetah and the bulk strength of the lion. To me, both terrifying and beautiful. Their roar and growl sends me into a trance.

I asked my friend a long time ago what their favorite animal was. They said a human. When I asked why; they said, “because they can make cool $#!+.” I couldn’t disagree with them on that. But when I asked if there was anything else; they added, “humans are f’n weird looking.” This made me chuckle. Then a couple days later I remembered the conversation and actually started to think about it.

We actually do look f’n weird. Ever look at a Sphynx? It’s a hairless cat for those of you not familiar. Or a hairless bear? That’s us! Now in your mind, put pants and a hat on either. You see?! Even weirder! If we looked more like chimpanzees or gorillas it would be cute and maybe a little silly. But not without fur. Chimps or any kind of primate (not including humans) without fur is almost terrifying to look at. (This is just me by the way. My opinion. I am sure there are quite a lot of people that think these things I am referring to are not weird or scary.) But I wanna take it to another level.

Ever wonder why human anatomy looks and functions the way it does? Our face is the money maker (so they say). A nose between two eyes. A mouth under the nose. And one ear on either side of the head. Two arms and two legs attached to a trunk torso that holds all the important life maintaining bits. The head of course holding the brain that controls it all. The function part of everything is pretty self explanatory. Sensory perception and all that survival crap. Then there is the, “what goes in, has to come out somewhere.” It’s science/biology. Taking nutrients to gain energy. Produce this to prevent that. Get rid of this before it kills us. Blah, blah, blah…

The body is fascinating, gross, wet, sticky, smelly, having many different kinds of human excretions with floppy fatty fleshy hairy giggly bits. Peach fuzz on some bodies. Bush stalk forests on others. And it’s not uniform either. It’s like the hair (not fur) goes, “nope. I will grow on what ever surface I want. Yes, your head, crotch, and arm pits will be covered. But you have no say where I will start anywhere else. Or at what volume. Just give it 30 years and see what happens. Trust me, it will be funny.” Yes, it all serves one purpose or another. But come on. Have you seen the southern reach down there?

(Side note: this next part is gonna get a little offensive. So if you are easily offended, I urge you to stop reading.)

You know, the place where the magic feelings happen? Being a woman or a man, there are some humans that are gifted with visually pleasing crotch muses. But those people are the exception (granted there is probably a lot of grooming and mystery conditioning that goes on). The rest of us have to deal with horror show forests and nightmare shapes of bafflement. What sort of visual pleasantries did evolutionary human biology think we would enjoy having down there anyway? Oh yeah, make it look like inverted wrinkly flesh wings of pink and brown. Don’t forget to frame it in curly course hair spines that poke and pierce. And for the love of all that is sacred! What is that smell?! And this is not the weirdest. You also have those wrinkly flesh Urechis looking soggy hotdogs taking center stage in front of what looks like a hairy leather laundry bag with two quarter filled water balloons inside. Is it a snake wearing a cardigan? Or a snail wearing kettle hat? Seriously, it looks like a night creature you find when you turn over a rotting log in the forest. These are the two things that humans use to make a baby? Holy crap!

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Well, that was an over exaggerated unpleasant depiction of what most of us think is normal. Sorry. Nothing a regular hygiene routine, simple grooming, and a careful mate selection can’t solve. But these are the tools used by young people right? When those area’s of procreation haven’t taken on the traits of permanent withering lycanthropy.

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So what is the deal with male nipples?

…NO PURPOSE! I don’t believe the whole pleasure sex thing as a real purpose either. That’s just a cop-out. They should fall off once the frankfurter wearing a backpack is decided… and why do women only have 2 boobies? Three would be awesome. But four or more goes back into the disturbing bracket.

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I think I might need to change my medication. Do other people think about this $#!+?