Well, there are two options here. Make a wish and blow out the candles. Or, smack that b!+c# Betty in the face with Bobby’s ham sandwich.

Aaaahhhh… the first line in the story. There isn’t anything more satisfying and monumentally soul crushing. The pure elation of release when you finally write the perfect set up for a story that is about to unfold. Of course, most of the time you are writing and rewriting the same line and first chapter until you get to the point of banging your head against the wall. You have your story right there. How are you gonna get the reader to WANT TO READ MORE? Well, Tammy hates Betty because she saw her sucking on Bobby’s face in study hall. But Tammy and Bobby are tight. Tammy doesn’t want to fight with Bobby. How the heck am I gonna get people to want to read more? I mean, these are grade schoolers that are about to go on a treasure hunt adventure.

Obviously the opening lines I wrote are not something you would put in a children’s book. But it’s a good hook. Makes you ask yourself, what the heck did Betty do to deserve a ham sandwich to the face? This person is obviously blowing out birthday candles, why does Bobby have a ham sandwich? Is this a mean kid blowing out birthday candles, or a jerk-face adult?

I love the first line in books. Scratch that, I love ‘really good’ opening lines. A lot of them are ok and kinda pull me in. But the ones that really grab your shirt collar and yank you at full force into the story are what I crave.

One interesting discovery that I found is that, when I haven’t even thought of a story to write about; I will just start to randomly generate one or two sentence openers that sound bizarre or interesting. Stringing two opposing actions together that really don’t have any place going together. When I do exorcizes like this, I almost always come up with an interesting idea for a story.

Some of my favorites,

"This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it."

• The Princess Bride, William Goldman

"My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name, Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973."

• The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold

“You better not never tell nobody but God. It’d kill your mammy."

• The Color Purple, Alice Walker

"Sam Vimes sighed when he heard the scream, but he finished shaving before he did anything about it."

• Night Watch, Terry Pratchett

You see? Those lines just dig in and pull. Well, they do for me. I wanna be like, “What the hell is that about? Give me more!”

(Right now I am in the editing process for my first novel and I don’t have a good opener. I have rewritten the first chapter 3 times already and it still isn’t working the way I want it to. But I can feel it. It’s right there.)